


Lack of Trust

by bjfic_archivist



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, No Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-07-28
Updated: 2003-07-28
Packaged: 2018-12-27 04:50:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12073860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bjfic_archivist/pseuds/bjfic_archivist
Summary: If you can't trust the person you love, who can you trust?





	Lack of Trust

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

The look on Justin’s face at that moment told Brian all that he needed to know. Unfortunately, it wasn’t good news. He could see the sadness and remorse in Justin’s eyes and knew that it was a lost cause. What he wanted would never come to be. 

“I wish that--” 

Brian held up his hand, silencing the younger man. “Doesn’t matter. No use worrying about it now.” 

Before Justin had a chance to protest, Brian turned and stalked out of the loft. At that moment he couldn’t stand to be near Justin. Brian had willingly put himself on the line only to be shot down. It only proved what he had always believed. That when he cared about someone those people ended up hurting him. The only person he could count on was himself and Justin had shown that to him once again. 

Now Justin had joined that seemingly endless list. 

So Brian did what he did best and lost himself on the dance floor of Babylon with a steady stream of Absolut and even more drugs. He knew that he would probably regret his actions in the morning, but at that moment he didn’t care. As long as he stayed at the club he could forget and pretend that his problems didn’t exist. 

“This isn’t going to help any, Bri.” 

“That’s your opinion, Michael, not mine. I find this quite therapeutic.” Brian glared momentarily at his friend and continued to move in time with the pulsing beat. “Now unless you have something worthwhile to say, leave me the fuck alone.” 

With one final wounded puppy look, Michael turned and forced his way through the throng of gyrating bodies. Brian watched until he disappeared from his sight then pushed everything from his mind. Nothing existed for him outside of those his senses provided. Just the way he wanted it. 

“Look, Brian--” 

Brian silenced Justin with a glare as he stumbled into the loft late the following afternoon. Without uttering a single word he trudged towards the bathroom, dropping clothes as he went so that by the time he reached his destination he was completely naked. Brian stepped into the shower, turned the water on as hot as he could stand it and simply stood there. He didn’t have the energy to do anything else. It was all that he could do to remain conscious as that point. 

“You need to get some rest, Brian.” 

The gentle voice pulled Brian from the half-conscious state that he had entered. He lifted his head and came face to face with Justin who was crouching before him in the shower. Brian didn’t remember sitting down or Justin coming in to join him. Except Justin hadn’t come in to join him. The water was turned off and the blonde was still fully dressed, not having even taken his socks off before entering the shower. 

Brian shoved Justin’s hands away. “I’m fine. Leave me alone.” 

“You know that I can’t do that.” Justin sighed loudly as he grabbed hold of Brian’s arm and hauled him to his feet. 

Brian attempted to wrench his arm from Justin’s grasp and nearly fell down in the process, slipping in a puddle of water that had splashed over the rim of the shower stall. His motor skills deadened by the drugs and alcohol still in his system, Brian wasn’t physically strong enough to evade the younger man. 

Justin had started to towel Brian off, despite his protests. “You know that my decision has nothing to do with not wanting to. If I thought I could, I would do it in an instant. I just.... can’t. I wish that I could explain it so that you would understand....” 

Brian stared up at him through heavy lidded eyes and shook his head. “The only reason it’s not happening is because you don’t want it to. That’s really all there is to it. You’re scared.” 

“And I don’t have a reason to be?” Justin’s angry words were countered by his gentle actions as he ran the fluffy towel over Brian’s body. 

“And everyone wonders why I have such a hard time trusting people.” Brian smiled sadly at him, a deep frown furrowing his brows. 

With that, Brian stalked away from Justin and into the adjoining bedroom. Without even bothering to pull down the covers, Brian sprawled himself across the center of the bed and passed out. 

When he came to, Brian realized that he had been covered by something. Something that was keeping him warm. Despite himself, Brian found himself smiling, knowing that it was Justin who had covered him up. 

The action didn’t change anything, though. Brian was still hurt that Justin didn’t trust him. In the end, that was what it truly came down to. And if Justin couldn’t trust him with something so simple, Brian honestly couldn’t figure out how Justin expected him to believe the younger man when he proclaimed his love for him. 

Lifting his head up off the mattress, Brian stared towards the living room where he could hear several voices merging into one. The opaque glass panels which served as the bedroom’s walls blocked his sight of what lay beyond, but it didn’t take much for him to envision their little Pow-wow. Neither did it surprise him in the least that the voices belonged to the entire group. Justin, Michael, Lindsay, Emmett, Ted and Melanie. It also didn’t surprise him that Melanie and Ted were out for his blood, that Lindsay and Michael were defending him while Justin and Emmett acted as peacekeepers between the warring factions. 

“It took Brian a lot to ask him. You know how he is about things like that.” 

“Still doesn’t give him an excuse.” 

“Like Brian ever needs and excuse. He probably doesn’t even care about what Justin’s answer was.” 

“Of course he cares. Why do you think he’s doing this?” 

“Because he’s Brian fucking Kinney and he’s the centre of his own universe.” 

“Well that’s not very nice.” 

“Nice or not it’s still true.” 

“Well that doesn’t mean you have to say anything.” 

“Maybe I should do it.” 

At last Justin had spoken. 

“Do you really want to?” 

Everyone was silent after Emmett’s question, including Justin. Having had enough of them and knowing that his pseudo-family would not leave willingly, Brian rolled off the bed and continued straight to the closet. He moved silently, hoping that he would not alert any of them to his actions until he was already heading towards the front door. Keeping his ears open for anything interesting once their conversation had picked up again, Brian pulled on a pair of jeans and a black long sleeve knit shirt. 

“How’s your head?” 

Brian didn’t pause in tying his heavy work boots when he heard Justin’s voice. “Do you actually care or are you just being polite?” 

“You know that I care about you, Brian.” 

That got a disbelieving snort from the taller man. “I do?” 

Justin let out a deep sigh, one that relayed all his emotions to Brian without having to utter a single syllable. He knew that the teen truly felt bad that he could not comply with his request, but all that Brian was able to clearly process was the sense of betrayal that he felt. One which wasn’t completely unwarranted. A few short months ago he wouldn’t have been able to talk Justin into refusing. And now, even with the attack three months behind them, he had assumed that it would once again be the case since, in every other aspect, Justin was back to his old self. So Brian had put himself on the line for the other man only to have his hand bitten off in the process. Not for the first time, but hopefully for the last. 

Truth be told, that was the story of his life. No one ever came through for him when he thought they would. Always, Brian was left hanging and feeling like a fool if not worse. 

“Where are you going?” 

Brian rose to his full height, staring down at the smaller man with a cool expression. “I’ll figure that out when I get there. I wouldn’t wait up, though.” 

“Brian....” 

Silencing the teen with a sharp glare, Brian casually bolted from the bedroom and headed directly towards the main door of the loft. 

“Dadda!” 

Only to be stopped in his tracks when he heard Gus’ cheerful shout. Feeling tiny hands gripping his jeans, Brian gazed down at his son, a genuine smile appearing on his face. The toddler was grinning madly as he tugged on Brian’s jeans in a silent plea to be picked up since he couldn’t yet pronounce the proper words for his request. 

“Hey there, Sonny Boy.” Brian picked up the miniature version of himself, balancing him on his hip. “”Did you mommies drag you here with them?” 

Cars giggled and slapped his hands against Brian’s cheeks, holding his face. 

“Here’s a tip, kid: Don’t trust people. They’ll only hurt you in the end.” 

“Brian!” 

“Hey!” 

“No!” 

“Don’t tell him that!” 

“That’s not true!” 

Justin was the only one who didn’t make an outburst following his revelation. Turning his gaze towards the bedroom, Brian met Justin’s eyes and saw the sorrow in the blue orbs. Feeling justified in his statement, Brian pressed a kiss to Gus’ cheek and set him back on the ground. 

“Go see your mommies. Dadda’s got to go out now.” 

“So you’re running away again?” 

Brian smirked at the people gathered in his living room. “You would think that. I expect you to be gone when I get back.” 

Brian purposely left it unclear as to whether those instructions included Justin or not. He was curious to see what the other man would do. 

Persistent as always, it shouldn’t have shocked him in the least that Justin managed to find him. As much as it terrified him, Justin knew him better than the others did. He was willing to admit to that. However, that didn’t mean that he was happy about being found only two hours after having disappeared. 

“Go away, Justin. I’m not in the mood.” 

“You’re in a mood, that’s for sure.” Justin sat down next to him on the bench that overlooked the pond. 

Brian glowered in Justin’s direction. “I have every reason to be. Now get back to the loft. I don’t need you here.” 

“I want to be here.” 

“Then I’ll go.” 

Rising swiftly from the bench, Brian stalked down the path, deeper into the park. 

“Brian, wait!” 

“Fuck off, Justin, I have no time for you.” 

Justin latched onto his arm, stopping him. For reasons that he couldn’t fathom, Brian allowed the teen to turn him around. 

“I’m sorry, Brian. I never meant to hurt you.” 

Brian couldn’t refrain from reaching out and stroking Justin’s cheek. “It doesn’t mean that you didn’t. The end is still the same. You don’t trust me.” 

“But I do, trust you, Brian. You’re probably the only one I do trust anymore.” 

“Then why won’t you trust me now?” 

Justin chewed on his bottom lip, staring at the ground. “I’m just....” 

“Scared.” Heaving a great sigh, Brian pulled Justin into his arms. “It’s all right to be scared, Justin. You’ve just got to trust that I won’t let anything happen to you. That I know what I’m doing. Can you do that?” 

Justin’s arms slid around Brian’s waist, holding him just as tight. Then he nodded his head, the motion causing his bright hair to brush against Brian’s throat. 

“So you’ll come?” 

Justin’s broad smile was all the answer that he needed.


End file.
